Modern ‘Mom Fashion’ Reflects Changing Perspectives on Motherhood
IMAGE: @KIMKARDASHIAN INSTAGRAM
The term “reality television” often seems like an oxymoron. The casts of shows like “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” and “The Jersey Shore” spend their time on-air hopping from outlandish parties to extravagant brunches, seemingly avoiding the “real world.” Because the popularity of these programs depends on drama, it’s easy to forget that these characters also grapple with the everyday challenges that come with parenthood, marriage and family life.
“Keeping Up with the Kardashians” offered its viewers a glimpse of reality when it aired a fight between Kim Kardashian and Kanye West over Kardashian’s 2019 Met Gala ensemble. French designer Thierry Mugler came out of retirement to design the gold shimmering dress, which featured a corset, a plunging neckline and ruching to emphasize her curvaceous figure. During the fight, West voiced his objections to the sexy design.
“A corset is a form of underwear, it’s hot, for who though?” West said in the October 13 episode. “You are my wife and it affects me when pictures are too sexy.”
Kardashian defended her husband when she appeared on the talk show “The Real” in November, claiming that West disapproved of the gown’s original design, which included fake nipples.
“Well, the dress, initially, since I was wet coming out of the water, there were nipples attached to it. I think with editing, I don’t know, I’m not sure if we actually put that part into that fight [on the show],” Kardashian said.
Although Kanye’s words were taken out of context, his concerns point to the common societal expectation that mothers be modest. The Met Gala dress was not problematic because it was sexy, but because it was too sexy for a wife and mother to wear. Kardashian has seemingly internalized this expectation. In that same segment of “The Real,” she expressed a desire to dress more modestly for her children.
“I obviously want to be appropriate for my children and there’s enough for them to see already,” said Kardashian. “I could tone it down a little bit.”
Later, in an interview with The Cut, the reality star claimed she had a fashion awakening.
“I realized I could not even scroll through Instagram in front of my kids without full nudity coming up on my feed pretty much all the time,” Kardashian said.
Kim Kardashian West is not the quintessential mother. Most moms are not spending date night at the Met Gala or stressing over whether a custom-made garment is too revealing. But Kardashian’s predicament is realistic when it comes to understanding the expectations placed upon mothers, particularly expectations regarding dress.
Although the definition of motherhood has expanded over the past ten years, there remains a certain rigidity when it comes to “mom fashion.” A quick Google search of the phrase reveals images of fit blondes donning casual, demure ensembles. These outfits range slightly from skinny jeans and relaxed cotton t-shirts to cropped denim or military jackets to patterned fit-and-flare dresses, but a common theme is obvious. Even as a new decade dawns, the reigning expectation is that moms dress comfortably, modestly and, yes – fashionably.
Defining Motherhood
It is impossible to define “mom fashion” without first outlining what it means to be a mother, but that term has a complicated history.
In the introduction to her book Modern Motherhood: An American History, Jodi Vandenberg-Daves details how, traditionally, society viewed moms as the sole arbiters of their child’s well-being. Gentleness and purity, she explains, became key characteristics of mothers.
“Modern mothers would be self-consciously gifted with—and burdened by—the idea that they had a unique influence on their children,” explains Vandenberg-Daves. “At least initially, their influence was thought to depend upon their virtue, their watchfulness, their confinement to the home, and their constant availability.”
These values, popularized in the late-seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, undergird our modern conceptions of motherhood.
“Throughout American history,” she writes, “motherhood—with its lofty ideals and its complex and sometimes gritty realities, has lurked behind nearly every debate about women’s place in society, women’s psyches, and even the future of the nation’s moral rectitude.”
Vandenberg-Daves goes on to discuss how mothers have “modernized” definitions of mothering through taking contraception and entering the workforce.
“In some respects, mothers themselves modernized by joining the workforce, limiting their family size, and demanding new resources for maternal and child health and education, to name a few examples,” she writes.
Yet, “women in the workforce” is not synonymous with progress. Dr. Pamela Fox, a Professor of English at Georgetown University, co-teaches a course called “Reading Motherhood,” which explores portraits of motherhood in literature from the post-war period to the present day. She explains how a woman’s role in the workforce is intrinsically tied to her capacity to have children, regardless of whether she wants them.
“Part of the reason women are paid less and don’t get promoted as fast, or even hired, is because men just think, ‘you’re gonna get pregnant, you’re gonna drop out. I’m gonna spend money training you, and you’re gonna drop out in four years. You’re gonna get married and you’re gonna get pregnant,’ that’s it,” says Fox.
Men also make assumptions about a woman’s desires. Mothers, says Fox, presumably crave their children 24/7.
“There’s also this myth that women want to stay home with their children, can’t bear to be away from them, love their home and see [it] as their space,” says Fox. “And some women like that and do want to do that, but it’s the expectation that all women want to do that that’s the problem.”
Joanna Andreae is a health coach whose company, Wandering Wellness, encourages clients to live stress-free lives through positive psychology and meditation. She is also a new mom. She sees how past definitions of motherhood have restrained women, but she believes the tide is turning.
“In the past, there has been a crusty holdover of patriarchal beliefs — once babies come, women must stop everything…and focus all attentions on child-rearing. Luckily that is shifting, making space for the acceptance of working mamas, nanny’s, and the attempt to balance it all out.”
The Making of Mom Fashion
The traditional assumption that mothers are virtuous, pious and demure is still present today, particularly in ideas of what mothers should, and should not, wear. Although motherhood is the direct consequence of sexual intimacy, mothers are expected to suppress that sexuality post-childbirth.
“Traditionally women are not supposed to be super sexy,” says Fox. “[You’re] supposed to be pleasing to look at, but not provocative. You’re not supposed to have a huge sexual appetite; everything is supposed to be moderate —the way you look, the way you behave, your own desires.
This moderation is best seen in the infamous “mom jean,” a high-waisted, straight-legged style which, though not particularly unflattering, doesn’t highlight a women’s body. Ashley Fetters is a journalist with The Atlantic who wrote an article about the evolution of the mom jean from the epitome of reductive stereotypes about women to an integral component of an it-girl’s closet. Labelled “frumpy or dowdy,” mom jeans were used to mock motherhood as a profession.
“Historically I think ‘mom fashion’ referred, in a sort of derogatory way, to the way women dress when clothing is getting knocked down the priority list by all the 24-hours-a-day demands of child-raising!” says Fetters.
Yet, many women are equally rebellious toward the notion that motherhood isn’t associated with sensuality. Andreae says pregnancy has helped her be more appreciative of her body, not ashamed of it.
“I am more in a state of love, respect, and awe of my body. Much less concerned with some of the silly things that had bothered me before —some cellulite here or varicose vein there, etc.,” says Andreae. “The fact that I have produced a child and now have almost totally healed from that experience is nothing short of miraculous! But what’s so incredible is it’s a miraculous of the ordinary! It’s so common.”
Riley Couture, a single mom and radio personality for Hot 99.5’s The Kane Show, echoes Andreae’s sentiment. She says pregnancy empowered her to love her body.
“Motherhood has affected the way I dress in the most positive way possible, says Couture. “As for me, it made me embrace my body in ways I hadn’t before. I carried a human with this temple. So, I’m going to show that temple with pride.”
This post-pregnancy confidence lends itself to sartorial experimentation, as many young moms seek to rebel against antiquated expectations of motherhood through dress.
Pandora Sykes, a freelance journalist, challenges the concept of “mom fashion” in a 2018 Man Repeller article.
“For some women, comfort means leggings for five years straight; for others, it’s pencil skirts even to the park,” she writes. “One way is not better than the other. I rail against the idea that a woman should be forced to abandon and forge anew her sartorial identity just because she has a baby.
Andreae also sees playing dress-up as a rebellious means of self-expression. She admits that motherhood inherently impacts the way one dresses, but believes that impact isn’t necessarily negative.
“I have personally been playing around with this as motherhood begins to push practicality over style (i.e. the “mom” haircut which I made fun of and then got myself after a few months of not having the time to brush tangles out of my long hair), she says. “There is a necessity of ease and comfort for many in motherhood — more walking with my baby in his carrier so he can nap, much much less personal time to get dolled up — and yet I don’t think personal style and dressing well have to be sacrificed.”
Who Wears What
All mothers grapple with the expectations placed upon them. According to a 2017 poll from the C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital, two-thirds of the mothers surveyed felt judged for their parenting decisions. What to wear is just another decision on the long laundry list that consumes mothers daily. Mothers who spend time and money on their appearance might be labeled as self-centered and accused of having skewed priorities, while the women who sacrifice style can expect to be branded as lazy or pitiable.
The pressure to be modest, attentive and sacrificial hits poor and working-class mothers of color the hardest. Fox says sartorial expression is a luxury for these women, especially given fashion’s status as a classed concept.
“If [mothers] are wealthy, they can buy a certain inoculation from this idea that they are bad mothers because…they are caring for their children in one way or another, shepherding them through, giving them a good life,” says Fox. “But you can’t be doing that and be promoting yourself as a celebrity and seen as self-absorbed. And you can’t be poor and be a good mom, either being a person of color or being white.”
Although age is also a factor when it comes to fashion, with older mothers facing more criticism for their apparel, Couture and Fetters see celebrity status as more of a differentiating factor.
“For myself, age is most certainly only a number,” says Couture. “I think that if [Jennifer Lopez] can pull it off, so can I. Having said that, I feel as if celebrities do get some sort of a pass at times. I’m not going to rock a barely-there green Versace dress to the pick-up line in my son’s school. Pretty sure Jennifer Lopez wouldn’t either. But to a photoshoot or event, hell yes I would!”
Fetters and Couture see celebrity moms as being mostly immune to criticisms of motherhood. Fox agrees to an extent, but admits that celebrity mothers like Kardashian face criticism for their sex appeal.
“I do think she is probably unfairly labelled as a bad mom because moms are supposed to be attractive, but not super sexy,” says Fox.
Fox believes that for the most part, though, the average mom isn’t interested in celebrity style. When it comes to their daily to-do lists, Fox jokes that moms put “getting dressed” at the very bottom.
“[Celebrities are] there as one example [of mothers] to be lauded or scorned, but I just feel like in the grand scheme of all these other images of motherhood we’re seeing, [they’re] just a blip. Nobody cares in the end, really, about what Kim Kardashian is wearing.”
Yet, shows like “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” spark national dialogue. Though a celebrity, Kim Kardashian is also a mother. Her Met Gala ensemble initiated a conversation about how society views and treats mothers. Couture sees Kardashian as an example of a multifaceted woman.
“Kim is a sex symbol and a mom,” says Couture. “And I think that [it] is more than ok to be both. My motto in life and in motherhood is ‘You do you boo.’ If you want to have seven kids and still show off your great legs or juicy [butt], dammit you do it!”
Moms Moving Forward
Kanye West’s views on motherhood and modesty aren’t unpopular; Instagram clips of Kim Kardashian’s “The Real” interview received comments praising West’s leadership and condemning Kardashian for flaunting her sexuality. Yet, Fetters is quick to note that West’s viewpoint is not the only one. Rather, 2019 saw the coexistence of various manifestations of motherhood — ranging from the boss mom to the soccer mom to the MILF.
“It's notable that this year we saw modest, comfortable mom jeans continue to dominate among young, fashionable women while [Jennifer Lopez,] a 50-year-old mother of middle-school-age twins, starred in arguably the sexiest movie scene of the year. There's still, as you say, a gap to be bridged between what people's appearance expectations are of moms vs. non-moms, but it looks narrower at the moment than it has been historically,” says Fetters.
The narrowing of that gap provides a space for women to experiment with self-expression. Andreae’s baby is only four months old, so she is still defining her post-baby style; so far, she’s enjoying the creative challenge.
“It’s certainly not necessarily more modest or grown up, it’s just more unapologetically me! Fun, playful, and comfy. If anything, I’m viewing this transition as a way to take more pride in my appearance as a leader and example to my son than less,” she says.
Not all mothers see fashion as fun, playful or comfy; often, putting an outfit together can seem like a burden. Most women don’t have Kardashian income or a dedicated glam squad to help them execute fashionable ensembles. But the hope is not to shame mothers into looking fashionable; rather, the hope is that women see style as a form of self-expression — a way to explore who they are as mothers and not who society wants them to be.
“My hope for present and future moms is that dress can be something to remind us all of our dual identities — that of woman AND mother,” says Andreae. “That of beauty and practical application. But, most of all, that it can also be a process of self-reverence, respect, and art.”
That artistic process might lead a mother to flaunt her sexuality or dress demurely; either way, a mom is still a mom.
